Thursday, 10 March 2011

Yell...............................................ow!

An Open Letter To My Friend And To All Whom It May Concern


(Pursuant to my visit to your blog as per your request to tell you what you'd written. More accurately, to tell you whether what you'd written had appeared where you expected it.)


I thought, since I was visiting your blog, that I'd have a read of the butternut squash one 'again'. I'm sure I'd read it before. So: "Hurrah!", I thought. "This was good - I'll read it again!" 

But (and this is where I became distraught, teary and all quivery in the lower lip department) IT. IS. IN. YEL... No! I can't type it :-( 

My least favourite colour except when, in nature, it is the approved colour for members of the narcissus family, buttercups (golden, in truth) and mustard. But as a type-face colour* it is painful, confusing, impossible and just plain wrong

I cannot read it. It zings through my eyes, ricochets down the optic nerve, reverberating and rebounding and amplifying as it goes, heading for my brain, creating havoc as it goes into a feedback loop and deafens my letter- and word- identification system. There's a proper word for that and it involves neurons and, for all I know when faced with yel (EEK!) typefaces, neutron bombs being lobed [sic] in all directions. And the only message I get from the page I'm looking at is, "Run away! Flee! Fire! Foe!"

I run. Slam closed the book. Hit "Command, Double-U" reflexively. Turn swiftly away from the advertising hoarding. Anything but look at the colour which hurts us, precious, it burns... 

So:

PLEASE change the colour! Pink is fine. Electric Blue, ditto. Flourescent Green, even. All against a white background, naturally, Because I want to read your words, your thoughts, your rants, your outpourings, your witterings. Truly.

But please, do not confront me with anything ye**ow.

Unless it's a banana.

xxx J


*Let alone walls, carpets, furniture... indeed ANYTHING which is not a flower or a fruit or a wasp or an hornet. And NEVER the colour of oilseed-rape. Shudder.


Edit of comments at 1.05am Friday: I've taken down two comments - one from my friend Severin who has, to my great relief, kindly changed the type-face colour of his blog which is rather x-rated far  more often than not...  The second was my reply to his comment which is out of context once Severin's comment is gone. If you are adult and determined to press on and find his 'prattlings' then I've given you enough clues ;-)
sJ

4 comments:

theprattlingsofseverin said...
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RockHorse said...
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Osterreich said...

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RockHorse said...

@Osterreich: Sorry I'm so late getting back to you but, for some strange reason, I hadn't found your comment. Thank you and I'm glad you found my blog. I'll certainly have a look at yours and would be honoured to write a guest post for you. I'll get back to you with contact details.

xJ